The Fruitful Two’s

Our daughter just turned two, meaning we’ve officially hit the halfway mark of what’s considered “toddlerhood” and even only being halfway through this stage, I can tell you that raising a toddler is one of the most challenging, rewarding, exhausting, and beautiful experiences a person can go through. This stage has grown and stretched and sanctified me in ways I didn’t know possible. Whether you are currently raising a toddler, plan to raise one in the future, or have finished raising them, I hope my small amount of insight into this wonderfully complex stage of motherhood can be encouraging to you.

My daughter was a fairly easy baby. Of course, we had our fair share of long, sleepless nights, stress over naps and overwhelmingly fussy moments, but compared to others, she was a happy, calm baby. Truthfully, she’s even been a pretty happy and calm toddler (again, comparatively), but their growing independence at this stage presents a whole new level of parenting skill and reliance on the Lord that I did not necessarily feel prepared for (because who ever really is?)

One of the most complex parts of raising a toddler that I have experienced is the constant back and forth of emotions (and no, I don’t even mean the toddler’s emotions). For example, I could be in the middle of something serious and time-sensitive and my toddler could suddenly spill milk all over the couch. Then when she’s disciplined for taking milk to a place where she wasn’t supposed to, she has the audacity to get angry with me and throw her cup at me, resulting in another form of discipline and another meltdown. So now my cortisol is through the roof, my couch is gross, and whatever I was doing before has been abandoned. I’m frustrated, stressed, and hopeless that I’ll ever get through a task uninterrupted again. And yet, by some strange magic (ahem…the hand of God), when I go to talk to that toddler about her behavior and she looks at me through a few small tears and says “I’m sowwy mommy”, everything in me melts.

Toddlers have this way about them that makes it hard to stay angry. Does that mean they get away with everything? Ha, no. However, it’s hard to keep a straight, serious face when you’re giving them a talk or disciplining them and they let out a toot and giggle about it. It’s hard to stay stuck feeling frustrated with their lack of awareness or even care about what you need to get done when they ask you to help them put on a dress-up costume and then start singing a completely made-up song with all of their heart and soul. I believe that God blesses us with little moments like these throughout this stage of motherhood to remind us what a sweet gift it is to raise a toddler.

The moments when she does something by herself and looks at me and beams, the moments when she runs to me and wraps her little arms around me for a hug, the moments when she belly-laughs as her daddy chases her around to tickle her, it’s in those moments that I am reminded of the joy that her little life brings to mine. All the long nights when she’s struggling to sleep and the slowing down to take advantage of a teaching moment and the interruptions throughout the day are worth it. They are hard, but they are worth it.

Everyone says this, but this stage and these moments will all-too-quickly pass away. I see it already in the mispronounced words suddenly pronounced correctly, in the ability to remember her manners without being reminded, in her growing ability to run fast and jump high and balance on things that she probably shouldn’t try balancing on and yet, does it without falling. Right now, her needs are mostly physical, but the emotional needs are growing. She won’t always need me the way she does now. She won’t always need help putting her shoes on or bathing or reading books, but I have been blessed with these moments to slow down and train her up in the way she should go (Proverbs 22:6). I have been given a holy task. The task of stewarding a soul.

Toddlers are selfish. They want what they want and they want it right away, regardless of the inconveniences, stress, frustration, or even pain it may cause someone else. Toddlers are selfish because they are sinful, just like you and me. It can be an uncomfortable concept to think of the little ball of sunshine who can make your heart absolutely melt with a couple of mispronounced words as a sinful being, but it’s true. Romans 3:23 says “for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.” It is our job as Christian parents to make their sin known to them and show them that there is a better way. We must take advantage of the moments we have so abundantly been blessed with to teach them what is right and what is wrong and, in doing so, ultimately point them to Christ.

The Gospel isn’t just for adults. It’s for sinners. And there are kid-friendly ways to show our children their need for a Savior. To abandon this opportunity would be to provide a disservice to our children. Don’t get me wrong, it’s HARD to slow down and take advantage of every teachable moment and to come up with the words to say and to help them understand and to explain hard concepts. It’s also hard to do all of these things and not get to see the fruit of those conversations for months and sometimes years. However, something I have learned is that, oftentimes in motherhood, the hard thing to do is the right thing to do. That means even when we’re tired, even when we’re frustrated, even when we’re at our absolute wits end, if we are given the opportunity to point our children to Jesus, no matter the theological depth, we must seize that opportunity. Galatians 6:9 says, “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” We must continue doing well even in the weariness.

If you are raising a child, you have been given no small task. That stewardship of a soul is not a job to take lightly. And yet, it’s not a job we must do alone. It’s not a job we can do by our own strength. So many times already, I have felt completely inadequate and entirely too weak to take on this responsibility and that’s right where God meets me, every time.

Like I said before, this stage has been one of the most sanctifying experiences I’ve ever been through. I have never prayed through the fruits of the Spirit more. In case you’re unfamiliar or have forgotten, Galatians 5:22-23 lists them, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” When I feel anger bubbling up inside, I am begging the Lord to give me self-control. When I am exhausted and she just won’t go to sleep, I am praying for patience. When I am feeling overwhelmed with the job of motherhood, I am asking the Lord to help me find joy. When we are both tired and I know a kind word would calm her down, but I am tempted to yell, I am praying that I would exude kindness and gentleness. There is no shortage of opportunities to pray these attributes over ourselves and our children.

God has been so gracious to answer these prayers in my many hours of need and, time and again, He has given me a boost of the attribute I have prayed for. It’s rarely immediate and it’s often uncomfortable, but He still answers. The growing and stretching  sometimes hurts, but being in constant (and I do mean CONSTANT) prayer has allowed my perspective to shift. I am not being punished when my toddler throws a tantrum. God is not sitting back smirking on days that I am gritting my teeth as I try to get through the day with her.

At the end of the day, she’s only two. In those moments when I am tempted to take her tantrums personally, I remind myself of that fact. And you know what? Sometimes I need to cry for no real reason. Sometimes I get unjustifiably angry. Sometimes I make my own life harder by choosing to do what I feel like doing and ignoring what my Father has told me to do. She is a sinner and I am a sinner. Christ died for us both. And if God can give me grace for the innumerable times I have followed my own will instead of His, I can give some grace to my two year old who is just learning how to do everything for the first time and is in desperate need of guidance.

This blog post has taken me longer to write than any others I have written, by far. Partly, because I have a two year old, so life is busy. But it has also taken me so long because I have not stopped learning things through this stage. I have adjusted and re-written and erased and added so many things already, so I’m going to stop myself here before I take any longer to write this. However, I know I’ll learn something new again soon. God is teaching me so much through this stage that it’s hard to put it all into words, but I know that the growth I have already experienced will impact my mothering forever. It has been such a reward to see how much work the Holy Spirit has done in me as I display His fruits to my daughter each day. I pray the growth continues and I pray you get to experience it too, in whatever way He sees fit.