Advice For The New Mother

The last time I uploaded a blog post here, I was in a very different place. I wanted a baby so desperately and was just starting to learn to be okay with not having one on my terms. I am so incredibly happy to say that God answered my prayers. My baby girl is almost a year and a half and what a journey it has already been.

Motherhood is intense. Somehow, it is absolutely wonderful, the most worth-it, fulfilling thing I’ve ever done and at the same time it is exhausting, the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. I am still learning every day, but I have to say, even after being a mother for less than two years, I have learned so so much. It has been the most transformative experience of my life (besides choosing to follow Christ, of course).

Because God allowed me to have the experience of waiting for my baby, learning about my fertility, researching and choosing to pursue a natural birth, and finding so much purpose in raising my daughter, I have become passionate about fertility, birth and motherhood. I love talking about it with others and encouraging friends and even strangers through pregnancy and motherhood.

This is what brings me here today, to finally write again and hopefully provide encouragement to you. I was recently asked by an expectant mom, “so do you have any advice about motherhood?” I stared blankly as I tried to come up with something to say. I have a million pieces of advice about the topic I’m so passionate about and of course, in the moment, my mind went blank. I tried my best to give her some practical pieces of advice about postpartum and leaning on the Lord through prayer, but throughout the rest of the day, I kept thinking of things I wish I had said. I decided to start a note on my phone of a list of pieces of advice I thought could be helpful for new moms (all while holding my daughter as she took her afternoon nap).

This is the list I have come up with. I hope you can find encouragement in these bits of advice if you are hoping to become pregnant some day, newly pregnant, about to give birth, freshly postpartum, or are learning to care for a toddler. I pray the Lord guides you through this season of life and that, before consulting a blog post, you consult Him who made you. “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:6-7)

1. Don’t push yourself too quickly after birth.  This time is meant for you to rest and recover and for you and your baby to bond. That’s it.

2. While you’re recovering from birth, open the windows or try sitting in a comfortable chair outside. Make sure you and baby are getting fresh air while you are stuck sitting still.

3. If they won’t stop crying, try taking them outside. 99% of the time it works wonders.

4. Get off your phone while nursing or giving a bottle. Use this time to look at and talk to your baby. They want so desperately to hear your voice and bond with you. Don’t keep that from them by being distracted by a screen.

5. Try not to stress about schedules. Your baby will sleep when they need to and will transition to dropping and sometimes adding a nap when they need. Most of the times that I stressed about my baby’s nap schedules were right before she ended up transitioning to a new schedule on her own. My stress was usually for nothing.

6. Stay away from “toxic mommy culture”online. The world will try to tell you that your child is a burden and being a mother is miserable. They will try to shift your focus to missing your life before having a baby and get you to resent your child and husband. These are manipulations from the enemy. “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.” (Psalm 127:3)

7. The screen is not your babysitter. It can never replace your presence, your voice, your discipline. If you’re struggling to get something done because your child wants your attention, involve them. It may slow you down, but maybe that’s the point. It is harder to parent without screens, however, the hard thing in parenthood is often the right thing.

8. It’s okay to have “survival sex” for a season. It’s hard to prioritize intimacy when you feel like you’re drowning in diapers and spit up. But for the sake of your marriage, you need to be intimate, physically and emotionally. Schedule it. Do it in between naps. It’s not gonna be wild and spontaneous for a while and that’s okay.

9. You can still go places and do things after having a baby. It will require more planning and packing but it is possible. You are not bound to your home. For the sake of your well being, you need to get out of the house. It’s okay to let them take a car nap while you have a peaceful hour to yourself, just driving around.  It’s okay to have to stay up late because they took an extra nap in the car. It’s okay to go to bed early because they skipped a nap. Just don’t stop doing things because you have a baby. You won’t be able to do everything you used to, but you don’t have to be totally absent either.

10. (For toddlers) They will eat when they’re hungry. There’s a huge list of reasons they might not be interested in eating right now (teeth hurting, tired, growth spurt, distracted by a pet or family members, etc) Don’t stress if they aren’t eating a lot one week. I promise they’ll make up for it when they’re ready.

11. It’s just another day of parenting for you, but this is their childhood. That doesn’t mean you need to plan extravagant activities for each day, it means you need to establish a routine of being present, playing together, being kind, modeling love, and getting outside.

12. Let the dishes pile up, let the laundry sit out. Don’t be so focused on keeping a spotless home that you miss opportunities to connect with your child. It’s okay to go play outside rather than load the dishwasher. It’s okay to read books rather than sweep the floors. You shouldn’t live in filth, but you also don’t have to choose a clean house over bonding and making memories as a family.

These are the things I have learned through my very short season of motherhood that have helped me keep my focus on the things that are most important. I pray that wherever in life this post finds you, you can receive encouragement from it. Never forget to consult the Lord first. He cares deeply for you and desperately wants to hear the things that plague your spirit. You could never be a burden to Him. Look to Him to see the ultimate example of a parent. He will guide you through this new and challenging season, if only you will ask Him.